I picked up some hours at the local community college, which prompted a guy in my men’s group to ask me a question:
Aren’t you tired of giving?
And I had to think about that.
Yeah, I’ve definitely got my hands full. Married, two kids, one in college, one in grade school, mom with dementia and daily needs, aging dog, private practice filled with clients in a marketplace that seems to care less and less, and now a roster of students coming to me with their problems — the teacher hated me, I’m homeless, I’ve never gone to school before, I lost my financial aid…
I guess I could stop giving, but then I look around me and see so many people who are not giving, who are doing plenty of taking, and they don’t seem content at all. They’re hollowed out, empty, and wandering. It’s clear they’ve not found the answers.
It seems like, once you make it past the whole homeless thing, the more you acquire, the more insatiable you become. And the less you contribute in a meaningful way, the more restless your hands.
More is never enough; it’s a never-ending road with exit signs but no exits.
Which means, at least for me, it’s not a model to follow.
So I give. And keep giving. I give to get.
And it seems to be working.
I’m still among the happiest people I know. I have zero misgivings about my work. I have flexibility and time to handle all the other roles in my life. I’m balanced, at least more than most. Sure, I topple some days; I barely make it to my evening Netflix viewing, but in general, I’m good.
My life is full.
Yeah, that’s my model: to be full.
Maybe service-to-others defies the laws of physics — the whole equal reaction thing — maybe when you give yourself away, you get something better in return; you fill up instead of emptying out.
We’re so focused on surviving, then thriving, then getting ahead that I think we stop paying attention to what it’s doing to us, what it’s taking away.
Look around: people in the pursuit of MORE may have big smiles on their faces, but they don’t laugh from the belly. Their joy is tethered to the pursuit of MORE, which is to say their joy is always just out of reach.
So, at middle age, I guess I’m doing an experiment of one. I’m seeking less, not more. And I’m seeking to be full, not empty.
Let’s see if it works.
Let’s see if I can defy the laws of physics and keep giving myself away to grow bigger.
And if it doesn’t pan out the way I hope, at least I can say I laughed along the way.